I'mma Dojo Yer Coon!
by Dav Rogue Oracles
Summary: Sick and twisted OOC of Quatre, Duo, Sally, and Wufei. I good waste of time...... Please R/R


Disclaimer: The muses and title are ours. Everything else isn't. Where it ends, it ends. No follow-ups. At least from us.  
  
Summary:This is based off of a late night chat a group of three friends had. We have no problems with any of the characters and aren't intentionally making them out of character, but they are. Hope you find it funny. Enjoy.  
  
P.S. Requires a sick sense of humor, not being homo-phobic, bashful, or easily offended by fowl language.  
  
Opening scene:   
You see three women sitting in mid-air in a swirling vortex with various cans, wrappers, chip bags, bags of Shrooms, and JD bottles. The three-head person looks over and all three heads state, "I think we're being watched!"  
  
The blue-haired woman hick-ups then slurs, "Maybe they're here for the story."  
  
The one with the guitar looks at the blue-haired one, "You think?" Then looks at you, "That is what you came for right? Because the soda is mine!"  
  
The blue-haired one turns toward you, nearly falling over, "But you can have some of my Jack Daniels."  
  
The three-head one states,"Maybe we should introduce ourselves. I am the 3-headed shroom muse dog." All three heads smile.  
  
The one with the guitar looks over, "I'm the Sleep Deprived Muse. Dun even fawk wif me!"  
  
The blue-haired one slurs yet again, "An...an...and I'm...the Drunk Demon Muse. Cuz I got blue wings!"  
  
The Sleep Deprived Muse, "Who's gonna tell 'em what's going on? Cuz I ain't. I did my job already."  
  
The Drunk Demon Muse, "You wann me to?"  
  
They look over at the 3-headed shroom muse dog to find each of her heads with a bag of Shrooms in their mouths.  
  
3HSMD Mm?  
  
SDM Go ahead.  
  
DDM Okey pokey! Um. . . Well. . .some of the Gundum pilots and buddys are on a space station. Don't know why they are. . .but they are. Um. . .I think it's near a colony that Heero and Relena are at. . .I think. Oh, and for some reason there isn't anyone else on board. Weird, ain't it? Well, some funny stuff should happen cuz i put alot of Lithium in Quatre's Prune Jucie Box."   
  
Wufei walks in out of nowhere...   
  
Wufei Will you three just get on with the story. It's bad enough that I have to be involved. I just want to get it over with.  
  
DDM Ok, Wufie! Oh, and we named the story 'I'mma Dojo yer coon!!', cuz it's a funny title. ^______^  
  
Wufei How did I get dragged into this?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Title: I'mma Dojo yer coon!!  
By: Dav Rogue Oracles  
  
  
In a rec room on the sation, Quatre and Duo are sitting on a couch. Duo has a beer can in one hand. Quatre has a prune juice box. Sally and Wufei walk in...  
  
sally Wufei!  
  
Wufei Woman!  
  
sally MAN!!  
  
Wufei THEIF!! GIVE IT BACK!  
  
sally No!  
  
Wufei They're my pants!  
  
Quatre Oh god, here we go again. Would you two please calm down so we can watch ... too much info.  
  
sally ...so? I commandeered them. ;;.  
  
Wufei ...damn you.  
  
sally Hehe.  
  
Wufei ...god...I'm supposed to be the Captain!  
  
Duo Well, It's nice to know who owns the pants in the relationship. Now we know who to listen to.  
  
Quatre *chukles*  
  
sally Thank you.  
  
Wufei...that's not funny...  
  
Quatre actually, wufie, it is.  
  
Wufei Wufie?!  
  
Duo Thanks Quatre.  
  
Wufei *growls at Quatre*  
  
sally *smacks Wufei*  
  
Wufei Ack! DAMMIT!  
  
Quatre eek *hides behind duo.  
  
Wufie *smacks Sally*  
  
sally *kicks Wufei*  
  
Duo Down boy, or your mistress might get you fixed.  
  
Wufei ...  
  
sally That's right. Hmph.  
  
Quatre DUO!!!!!! *blushes* I'm not gay!!!!!!!!!! Just because I made that comment that Trowa had a nice ass....  
  
Wufei *launches a thai kick at Sally but falls over mid try when he hears Quatre* x.x  
  
Duo I didn't mean you Quatre. . . AND I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!  
  
sally *falls over laughing*  
  
Quatre Um...oops. *blushes even more* Really, I'm not gay.  
  
Wufei *stands up* Dun try to hide it.  
  
sally *smacks Wufei again*  
  
Wufei Ack! Woman!  
  
sally *blinks at him* Yeah?  
  
Duo You got us fooled. And if you blush any more your face will pop and then Wufie will have to clean it up. THINK ABOUT THE POOR BASTARD THAT HAS TO CLEAN THAT SHIT UP!!  
  
Quatre That's not nice!!!! I won't do that!! God, I'm going to bed.  
  
Wufei ...I'm not cleaning it up if his face explodes...  
  
sally ...Me either. o.o;;  
  
Duo Going to be with who?  
  
Quatre Not that way!!!! *really quite red now*  
  
Wufei *chuckles*  
  
Quatre Stop being so mean, Wufie!! *starts crying*  
  
Wufei ...you gotta be kidding me.   
  
sally *Pushes Wufei and trips him before going over to Quatre and hugging him*  
  
Duo LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID! YOU MADE THE LITTLE GAY BOY CRY!!!! YOU ASS!!!  
  
Wufei I DID NOT!!  
  
Quatre *Looks around with huge smile on his face* Told you guys I wasn't gay. I have the ladies eating outta my hand.  
  
sally God. *pushes and trips Quatre*  
  
Quatre Ouch. That really hurt,sally. *starts crying again*  
  
Wufei *looks all mad*  
  
Duo DAMN!! I bet if I tried that I would only get the guys.  
  
Wufei You do only get the guys...  
  
Duo It's the hair ain't it.  
  
Wufei Yes.  
  
sally I'm not falling for it this time.  
  
Wufei Hehe...  
  
Duo SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!! THERE AREN'T ANY MORE GIRLS AROUND!  
  
sally I'm a girl, Dammit.  
  
Quatre *thinks* Shit, she has a great rack I wouldn't mind coping another feel from. Oh well, maybe I can get Relena next time. *states* I believe he said any MORE girls, sally, not that there weren't any.  
  
sally ...well...what the hell is that supposed to mean, anyway.  
  
wufei ...no comment.  
  
sally Shut up, Chang.  
  
Quatre Um...I think I better go to bed now. ;;. *thinks* Before i get hit again.  
  
Wufei Hehe...  
  
Duo What I meant was that there arn't any GIRLS. You, my dear, are a sophisticated WOMAN. There is a difference.  
  
sally ...Nice try, Duo.  
  
Quatre Now who's making the moves, Duo?  
  
Wufei *Falls over laughing*  
  
Duo I never said I wouldn't. It's expected of me. You, Quatre, on the other hand are suppose to be the quiet shy type, who shouldn't know such things.  
  
Wufei Quatre? Chaste? That's a joke.  
  
sally ...No comment. ;;. ...god...I need to get a job with like...real, adult people...  
  
Quatre But that wouldn't be as much fun as playing with the emotions of young boys such as us.  
  
Duo Well, that sounded wrong.  
  
Wufei ...That sounded so wrong.  
  
sally *Falls over laughing*  
  
Quatre Oh god, they're in stereo. *Falls over anime style*  
  
Duo What's that saying about YOU?  
  
Quatre That wasn't nice. Wait, I don't get it.  
  
sally *Elbows Wufei*  
  
Wufei *Twitches*  
  
DuoAre you Quatre or Scooby?  
  
Quatre What? What are you talking about?  
  
sally *Kicks Wufei's shin*  
  
Wufei *Looks annoyed*  
  
sally *Pokes him in the kidneys*  
  
Wufei Would you STOP IT?!  
  
Duo Idiot. When Scooby hears a joke, he laughs then says, "I don't get it". YOU ARE SUCH A MORON!  
  
sally Hehehe...  
  
Quatre I am not a moron!!! If you say that one more time I'll sleep with you!  
  
Wufei O.O;;  
  
sally ;;.  
  
Duo COME ANYWHERE NEAR MY ROOM AND I WILL KILL YOU IN A VARY SLOW, PAINFUL, AND EVIL WAY!!!  
  
Quatre But I'll probably like it very much.  
  
Wufei ...I'm leaving.  
  
sally Wait for me!  
  
Wufei *Starts walking towards the docking bay*  
  
sally *Follows him*  
  
Duo O.O DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THIS SICKO!!! *Runs after them*  
  
sally *Steps on Wufei's heels*  
  
Wufei Onna!! Stop it!  
  
Quatre *stands there dumbfounded* what'd I say?  
  
sally Make me.  
  
Wufei *Turns around and tries to roundhouse her*  
  
Duo *Runs past them and into a ship* HURRY UP OR I'LL LEAVE YOU STRANDED WITH HIM!!  
  
sally *Ducks underneath his kick and deflects his leg up*  
  
Quatre *Enters the hall* Oh, MY! *Images of how much fun it would be to be in bed with both Sally and Wufie at the same time*  
  
Wufei Whoa! No idle threat! *Runs after Duo*  
  
sally Ack! *Runs after them*  
  
Wufei ...Hey...Wait a minute...That's my ship!! *Trips Duo* Not a chance in hell I'm lettin' you pilot my ship.  
  
sally He doesn't even let me pilot it...and I'm the second in command. .  
  
Quatre Were are you all going?  
  
Duo I DON'T CARE WHO DRIVES! JUST GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!  
  
Wufei Right!!  
  
Quatre Is the ship going to explode or something? I don't hear any of the alert sirens.  
  
Wufei *Runs into the cockpit and starts up the engine* ...I can't believe I thought of it as an engine...  
  
sally *sits in the co-pilot seat* Man, yer slippin.  
  
Wufei Yeah! .  
  
Duo WELL, THE SHIP MIGHT NOT EXPLODE, BUT I'M NOT SURE ABOUT BLONDIE! *Sits in an empty seat*  
  
Wufei SALLY, SEAL THE DOORS! HURRY!  
  
Quatre What's going on? What do you mean by that, Duo?  
  
sally RIGHT ON IT! *Seals the doors*  
  
Quatre *Runs over* Wait for me!  
  
Wufei Whoo...that was close...  
  
Quatre *Hits the now closed door* Wait!  
  
Wufei *Primes the engines*  
  
sally *Initiates navigation and guidance systems*  
  
Duo HURRY THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!! HE MIGHT FIGURE OUT HOW TO OPEN THE DOOR!!  
  
Quatre Please wait. I don't understand what's going on. *Hits on the door and starts crying*   
  
Duo SHIT!! HE'S TRYING TO USE THE PUPPY DOG EYES AGAIN!!!  
  
sally Wufei!! Start the engine or I'm taking all your pants!!  
  
Wufei My pants?! *Looks horrified and intiates the thrusters, lifting them off*  
  
Duo I THOUGHT YOU ALREDY TOOK HIS PANTS! THAT'S HOW THIS WHOLE DAMN THING STARTED!!!  
  
sally ...I only took one of his pants.  
  
Quatre Please let me in! I'll be a good boy!  
  
sally He's a real clothes horse.  
  
Wufei Shut up woman! I'm concentrating.  
  
sally Yeah right. I know that's hard for you.  
  
Duo Damn girl, That was harsh.  
  
Quatre Don't leave me here by myself!  
  
Wufei ...  
  
sally Dun break, Wufei!  
  
Wufei ... *Makes the shuttle hover*  
  
sally WUFEI!! GET US OUT OF HERE!!  
  
Quatre *stumble back* Don't go! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!  
  
Wufei .  
  
Duo JUST BLAST THE BAY DOORS OPEN!!!  
  
Wufei What? Why?  
  
Duo HE SAID HE LOVES US ALL! NOW WILL YOU GO!?!  
  
sally ...There's no place like home, there's no place like home...  
  
Wufei Right!  
  
Quatre *Falls on knees and bawls*  
  
Wufei *Initiates full thrust and leaves Quatre behind* ... Happy? Look at him....  
  
sally x.x  
  
Duo This is just a dream, I'll wake up safe and sound.. .   
  
*Goes into low altitude orbit*  
  
Quatre Why did they leave me. *continues crying, then an idea pops into his mind* I can call Heero and Relena, they'll save me!  
  
Duo Do you think we should have disabled the communication system before we left?  
  
Wufei ...There wasn't enough time. o.o;;  
  
Quatre *Types in Heero's number*  
  
sally Yeah, it was get out or get eaten. o.o;;  
  
Duo It wouldn't have been so bad if it had JUST been cannibalism.  
  
Quatre *Waits for someone to answer the line*  
  
Wufei Someone better get Heero online.  
  
sally I'm on it. *Uses a priority line to raise Heero*  
  
Quatre *Continues waiting for an answer.*  
  
Heero *All tired looking in just his shorts* ...Sally? ...What the hell?  
  
Quatre I hope I get ahold of them before the others do.  
  
sally Badness! Badness! Badness!  
  
Heero *Blinks* Lemme talk to Wufei.  
  
*Line gets interrupted and screen goes blank*  
  
sally NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
  
Quatre Will someone please pick up.  
  
Heero ... *Shrugs and goes back to sleep*  
  
*Line rings again*   
  
Relena I'll get it.  
  
Wufei Sa-LLLLLEEEEEEE!!  
  
sally I'm trying! I can't get through!  
  
Duo Do you guys think Relena would be with Heero or at her office?  
  
Wufei I hate it when they're together...  
  
sally ...S'like drinking honey through a straw.  
  
Wufei Gives me a headache.  
  
Relean *Answers phone*  
  
sally It's saccharine enough to make you go wiggy.  
  
Wufei I got a headache just thinking about it.  
  
Quatre Hi Relena, it's quatre. I'm in trouble.  
  
Relena What happened?  
  
Wufei Sally, the line!  
  
sally It's not working!  
  
Duo HEY!!! Can't we get Trowa to deal with the gay blond?  
  
Quatre Well, the others left me behind...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Sleep Deprived Muse Does this mean it's over?  
  
Drunk Demon Muse WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!  
  
3-headed shroom muse dog Has to be. Besides... it was kinda... ;;.   
  
SDM Ok, I get the point *Sniffs* Tell me it was funny.  
  
3HSMD I almost fell outta my damn chair laughing.   
  
DDM YAY!!!!!!!!  
  
3HSMD Seriously...a threesome with Sally and Wufei... *Dies laughing again*  
  
DDMYEP! That would be interesting. . . But not something I would want to witness.  
  
3HSMD No shit. .;;   
  
SDM Sorry, I couldn't resist.  
  
3HSMD Sally and Wufei would probably draw blood. ;;.   
  
SDMOuch!  
  
3HSMD They're kinda rough on each other in case you din notice. o.o;;   
  
DDM They do seem like the bondage type. ^_^;;  
  
Both DDM and SDM XD  
  
3HSMD Omg! *dies* XD  
  
DDM I also didn't know that Quatre was so kinky.  
  
3HSMD Yeah, that was way ooc. ;;.   
  
Quatre There are many things about me you don't know.  
  
3HSMD AND NEVERMIND THE MUSHROOMS!!   
  
DDM I forgot about the mushrooms.  
  
3HSMD I can't forget about the mushrooms. No matter how hard I try.  
  
SDM XD Buh, bye!   
  
DDM GOOD NITE AND GOOD FIGHT!!  
  
3HSMD G'night!!   
  
  
  
  
To see the Muses Go to: www.geocities.com/davrogueoracles/3_muses.html 


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